Whoa. Things went bananas today on my blog. I just want to thank Noah Michelson and the Blogger Team at Huffington Post Gay Voices for giving me the chance to publish my piece on your page. Looks like I may start adding my story in bits to the blog section of Gay Voices for a different spin on the life that many people have found themselves in, usually unwillingly. Here’s a link for the article, in case you missed it.
If you’re stopping by my page and want to know a wee bit about my story and don’t want to sift through everything I blabbered about on here, you can go to the Risk! Live Storytelling podcast by Kevin Allison. Click the link below and forward to the 19:30 minute mark.
Thank you for heading over to my blog. My goal is always to encourage, and if you have a story to share that could help our readers, hit me up by contacting through email (contactsamesides@gmail.com).
There is a particular Facebook page that I am addicted to, called Queen of Your Own Life. On it, Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff post encouraging quotes with moving images of women, taken from their book Queenisms. I am going to post one of those on here each week (like the one above), because sometimes the thing a person needs, who finds out their spouse is gay, is something–anything–to get them through the next hour, morning, or day. While these images are for women, they can be applied to guys, too, so enjoy and simply soak in the message that it may speak to you.
Getting through this crisis sucks, and that’s putting it lightly. However, you are strong. You are unique. You can do anything.
Live Life, Love Life, Impact Others, Emily
Image credits to Kathy and Cindy, for Queenisms(TM)
I live in Reno, The Biggest Little City in the World. At least, that’s what we call ourselves. We probably should have been called The Windy City, but that one was already taken. I have seen trees, on way too regular of a basis, being uprooted when the winds roll off the Sierras. It’s a creepy thing to see the ground boiling up where the roots of a sequoia are located, getting ready to fall on my minivan.
Mama needs a new car. Please fall on it.
This past week, I was invited by my friend Rory Dowd, to be on his local podcast, called the Worst Little Podcast. It is a very “adult” oriented show…as adult as sex jokes and swearing can be. It was an absolute blast, and I was allowed to talk a bit about my story.
If you can handle the adult content of it without getting offended, take a listen at the link below. If you have time to listen to the whole thing, you should. Great music, featuring PJ Ruprecht, is among the chaotic antics of the show, and is fun to listen to. If you just want to hear the section where my story is mentioned (including my awesome charter school, Rainshadow), you can start listening at 51:50.
Get your story out there, too! Contact me if you want to share your journey on this website. You can receive encouragement from people who stop by here as well as help others who struggle with their spouse revealing that they are gay.
Sometimes, the only way to get through this thing called Mixed Orientation Marriage, is to rely on the support of others who have been through it before you. In fact, it’s the best way, I have found.
Enjoy the Show, and Live Life, Love Life, Impact Others,
Emily
And after listening, if you’d like to give to my amazing charter school’s annual fundraising campaign, click the following link. Every little bit helps our students to be in a school that helps meet their individual needs. Rainshadow Charter High School Annual Giving Campaign
Life really is sweet. Sometimes, life is super duper pooper sweet…like this last weekend. Lots of writing, cleaning out my closets (literally, not figuratively), getting to spend time with just my oldest daughter (which is rare) and sleeping in. That sleeping in thing never happens, so that’s what made this weekend super duper pooper.
The middle and youngest of my Three Little Birds got to do something very special in San Francisco for their National History Day projects: they met with and interviewed Cleve Jones, a key player in AIDS activism, gay rights and was the main stud behind the AIDS quilt project. He also happened to be close friends with Harvey Milk, so both Thomas and Kate got the royal carpet treatment by Cleve, complete with a tour of the Castro pointing out key areas of interest for both Thomas and Kate’s projects. Cleve also had a surprise for them, as he asked Dustin Lance Black, Academy Award winning producer of many films (including Milk), to join them. Basically, it was a Cloud 9 Weekend for those two kiddos.
If they don’t go far in the competition, I will be shocked.
Weekend at Emily’s: that’s a wrap.
Now, if you’re stopping by for the first time, you may be doing so because of a piece that I wrote for the Straight Spouse Network’s blog. I am very happy they published it, because it is a great resource and I am thrilled to be connected with it. If you are looking at the screen with a question mark on your face, here is the link and piece I am talking about. Check it out!
I keep submitting pieces to as many news organizations as possible. I have been feeling led lately to speak out to people who have a little clout in this political world, and getting published is a great way to do it. Many of you know I am an LGBTQ Ally, and I have lots of reasons for this. I understand if you are not at this point in your life because the nightmare you may be dealing with hits too close to home. However, it has been a lot longer for me, and since my own Rainbow Family (called The Reeses and Their Pieces) has a bit of a stake in LGBTQ rights, I have a lot to say. Mostly, I feel that because Mixed Orientation Marriages have an incredible amount of shame and secrecy tied to them, the nation needs to know about us. We need some empathy, dammit! People need to know they’re not alone; people need to know what to say and what NOT to say when a family or friend is going through this crappy thing; and legislators need to know that the more laws that they pass that keep LGBTQ people as second-class or not equal, the more likely that MOMs will continue to happen…which means more hurt, pain, deceit and wreckage for straight spouses who get married to someone who is too afraid to be “out.”
Does that make sense? I haven’t finished my first cup of coffee this morning.
Basically, I am going to run my flip-top head off to anyone who will listen.
I love writing. I love people. I love being able to use the very thing of finding out my husband is gay, that caused me the most pain I have ever had to endure, to give meaning and purpose behind it.
Thanks for stopping by. If you are looking for encouragement, then be sure to read the link above. I meant every word of it. You really are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
A full-on Rainbow and Glitter Gala Celebration, with our Three Little Birds, Devon and his husband Felipe… and me, the Clutter Whore Ally Momma.
Best Christmas movie ever, besides “A Christmas Story.” I fully expected some crazy antics occurring with our weird family this Christmas, not unlike Clark Grizzwold’s world.
Last year was the first year we spent Christmas together under one roof, mostly due to necessity. I was recovering from one hell of a pre-chemo surgery, complete with tubes coming out of all kinds of places for drainage and some really great pain pills.
I needed help. And Devon and company were there for me.
But this year was by choice. I heard on more than one occasion from the kids that they were thrilled we could all get along well enough to be together under one roof. I didn’t see this one coming nearly 10 years ago, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
To say life is different now than it was then is a complete understatement, but I loved it. The fact that the kids felt it was a blessing was wonderful.
So, to brag a little and share my life with you (and to document our Christmas together because it’s my blog and I can do what I want with it), I am going to post pictures here and memorable moments so that maybe one day, when the dust has cleared in your world of finding out your spouse is gay, you might be able to see what is truly possible.
Life is stranger than fiction, and more beautiful than we can imagine if we keep our minds and hearts open after moving forward and working through our shtuff. Know what I mean?
Here ya go!
Our break started off by me finishing the semester at Rainshadow with my students and getting all of my grading done so I wouldn’t have much work to do while I was off for three weeks. If anyone tells you that they didn’t go into teaching for the perks of great breaks, then they are lying. Teachers certainly don’t get paid enough for all we have to do, but having these breaks makes things pretty peachy, I must say.
We left the day after school was out to go to Sacramento, all six of us, to watch Thomas’ basketball tournament and do some massive shopping. The road trip was a blast, the hotel room situation was spectacular and we spent way too much money on food and gifts. But that’s okay.
Here are the photos of our road trip, including me relaxing at the mall with my feet up. What a rough job shopping can be. My clods were killing me! Next time I will wear my Birkenstocks and not my Kick Cancer’s Ass Boots.
The trip went really well and it was so much fun spending time with them. We all got along, which 10 years ago, I never would have imaged.
Next came Christmas Eve.
The beautiful Christmas tree with obscene amount of gifts at Devon and Felipe’s house.
I was slated to stay there for a couple of days. We did our usual Reese Family Christmas Eve Dinner with Devon’s family at his mom Virginia’s house. Good food and LOTS of laughs. We were all crying from laughter listening to Aunt Wendy explain the rational thought that went behind her Sims City obsession. Gifts were exchanged and we made out with some great loot. Thomas and I took a poll with my Facebook friends to see who looked better in his SWAGish hat. It was a tie, by the way.
Who looks better: Thomas or me? It was a tie. The public has spoken.
My sweet Middle Bird, Kate, came down with an acute ear infection while at Grandma’s that night. Christmas Eve. Ear infection. Welcome to the world of having kids.
The brilliant thing? All three of us parents were able to pitch in and help. I did my best to comfort poor Kate, while the dads braved the only 24 hour pharmacy that was open to get her meds… and were there ’til 1 a.m. Nightmare? Yes. But isn’t it great we were all there to help make our Christmas Eve work out?
The sweetest thing came from it. This picture. I sent it to Kate after telling her that I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas Eve any other way (she was feeling horrible for “ruining” our Christmas) and she told me it was her favorite picture of all time; she would “treasure it forever.” Bam. It’s all about being positive and having a little perspective.
Here is the picture I took, cuddling with my sweetie pie Kate, who was feeling like crap. She said she will “treasure it forever.” Awww.
Christmas morning was beautiful. There was very little chaos and lots of thoughtful gifts, including the handmade gift that my dad made for the girls (he made my sister and me a hand mirror as well, just like the ones pictured below and we still use them to this day). All of this, including playing Risk as a family, made for a memorable time with our Freaky Rainbow Crew. Here’s a video and some pictures from that morning.
And finally, New Year’s Eve. This day is officially Devon and Felipe’s 1st Anniversary after getting married last year in New York City. So, I stayed with the kids at their house, took them out to The Hobbit and Pizza with another good friend of mine, and returned to their house to bring in the New Year with gambling for Hershey’s Kisses as well as a hotly contested game of chess. What a wonderful way to bring in this year with the three best people in my life. And without Devon (and Felipe, too) we wouldn’t have been here, doing these things, altogether.
So, basically, the holidays are over, but the memories live here for myself and anyone to view, hopefully forever. Life is beautiful. Expect things to be that way. You might be surprised.
Happy Holidays and may your 2015 be extraordinary!
SameSides: Your Spouse is Gay. What Now? 